We made it to Antigua! This city is beautiful. We couldn’t find living accommodations in the city that could hold nearly 30 of us, so we had to split into two houses. Since we are already split into four teams, that made it easy. My team is at a house with our leader Tammy, and all of the boys. Our house is beautiful and cozy, a good home for our last leg of the trip. Everything is within walking distance, and this is the safest city in Guatemala, as well as the most touristy. We’ve met many people who speak English and have already had some amazing conversations. I believe we are partnering with YWAM again for ministry. We have been told there are many different types; prayer, evangelism, kids, and women’s groups. We will see what ends up happening. 

Coming into our last two months, our final quarter, I have some mixed emotions. I haven’t been home in 6 months, and I won’t for 8. This has been my life for so long, traveling the world with these people. These people. They are my family, and I don’t know what it will be like doing life without them in a couple of months. It will be weird not moving around all the time, it will be weird having more than a suitcase full of clothes and my own bed, it will be weird having my own home that I have the privilege of living life in. 

If I’m honest, I like this life better. I enjoy moving around all the time, I enjoy experiencing new and uncomfortable things, because it stretches me. It’s developed so much gratitude. Not that I will never own a home or stay in one spot for years, but I really like this type of life. The one down side is leaving my family. Of course I miss them, but I know they will be okay. I know this is what God has created me to do, and I cannot wait to step into that. It seems like a really daunting task to most, but I am just taking it one step at a time. Taking one step looks like Africa and Asia next year. It looks like helping develop the program I am in, and trying to figure out what God wants to do with it and how much He wants to grow and expand it. I am just happy He chose me to partner with Him in this. 

The next thing I want to learn/the Lord to teach me: how to be okay when seasons change. I know seasons change on purpose, and they are only seasons for a reason, but I still struggle with that. I haven’t handled change well in the past, and also I get attached to things quickly, and I don’t let go. So when they are gone I feel cheated or broken. I need to realize that everything is fleeting. Everything except for Christ, so I want to learn how to hold on to Him so that I don’t have to feel horrible every time something crumbles. Because I recognize that this lesson is a very valuable one, and it is also one that I am learning the hard way. I want to be on the other side of it. 

The past few days I have been a little bit anxious and overthinking. Yes, some of it is just lies that I am believing, but sometimes I don’t know how to get out of the cycle. I have done that my whole life, and it is a spiral. I was praying about taking every thought captive, or trying my best to do so. In the moment it works, if I remember to do so. I was talking to the Lord about it and He reminded me to not concern myself with the things of man. To look to Him and all things will fall into place, He is the one who is in control and He knows what He’s doing. 

He is our defender. He literally makes a way when there is no way, and then kills the enemy for us. We don’t have to do a lot of work, we just have to follow Him and be obedient. We fix our gaze upon Jesus and He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. 

We have seven and a half weeks left. Wow. I want to make the most of every moment of every day. I don’t just want the time to pass, it comes to an end, and I regret it. We have seven and a half weeks here in Antigua, and I am going to take advantage of that. This trip coming to an end scares me, terrifies me actually. I don’t know what I am going to do, how I am going to handle it, or what’s going to happen. I don’t know who I will still talk to and see after this trip, where I will go, or how many times we are going to see each other again. These people, sitting beside me and in front of me, have become my people. The people I wake up next to, eat with, walk with, serve with, have become my people. My family. This was one of the biggest blessings and I don’t even know how to begin thanking the Lord. 

I was in a mental spiral for a few days this week, and I just wanted out. My first response was prayer, but I took time to ask the Lord what to do. He reminded me that I have an abundance of love to give, and how my whole life I have said that when the right person comes along, I will love them unconditionally. And I still believe that to be true, but it has gotten me in trouble. In romantic relationships, I have tended to fall too hard too fast, and give them all my love and devotion right off the bat. That has led to some brokenness and heartache, because it hasn’t ever been the person God has had prepared for me. The other day He told me, that all the love and devotion I have - is meant for Him, and that He wants me to fall in love with Jesus, and be that committed, devoted, and in love with Him and no one else. Yes, I believe I will still get married, but if I don’t love the Lord more than my spouse, it will lead to trouble. My mom has always told me that my husband has to love the Lord more than he loves me, and vice versa. Well, I’m not there yet.

So, my prayer has been for me to fall in love with Jesus. And that’s what He told me to do when I’ve been in a mental spiral - to not concern myself with the things of man, and to fall in love with Him instead. Because man will always let me down, even if it is this community of believers, they have still let me down a countless number of times. But I don’t want to let that impair my vision. I don’t want that to get in the way of my relationship with Christ, because He is my priority. I have also thought about another fact. Everytime I have shown that type of love to someone, I have been let down and hurt by the other person. But I just realized that Jesus won’t do that. He will love me the same and even more than I love Him. He will treat me well, actually better than anyone ever could. He will never let me down or hurt me. That gives me hope, hope for falling in love with Him and knowing that I will be taken care of. That He will always hold me and never leave me. He will provide for me and love me unconditionally. He will appreciate me serving Him, and give me abundant life. 

This makes me excited for what’s ahead. And He is so faithful to remind me that He is in control, and He will work all things out. He loves me the most in this world, and He wants to take care of me. So I am going to start letting Him. And, yes, I know that I have said that before, but He is patient when I forget, and He is gracious enough to remind me. I am excited to have this revelation in my walk with the Lord and step into a deeper intimacy with Him. Could you guys join me in praying for Antigua? Next blog I will give an update about our ministry, but you can be praying for what the Lord is doing, and for a revival in this city!! I am excited and expectant for what the Lord has for Antigua! Until next time :)