I leave this squad in 29 days. There’s 29 days until I have to say goodbye to my family, to the people that I have lived with for 8 months. To the people that I have shared blood, sweat, and tears with. That I have experienced 7 countries with. To the people that have prayed and worshipped with me, served me, carried my burdens with me, and have made so many memories with me. I don’t know how I am going to do it. I don’t know how I am going to leave the airport. I will have to rely on the Lord’s strength in a way that I have never had to before. 

The topic of conversation the past two weeks: suffering. Fitting, right? I have heard this statement repeatedly, and I am living in it; “you just can’t catch a break.” Which is true, I can’t. But guess what, I am promised suffering. I am promised persecution. So there’s no wonder I’m living in it. It’s all around us, but our eyes seem to be open when it’s happening to us and directly impacting us. One thing after another. Wave after wave after wave. 

In the past, I would’ve been drowning. I would’ve not been able to keep my head above water or I just would have been barely afloat. But not anymore, now I am being refined. I am being shaped into looking more like Christ. Christ promises suffering. He also promises to work all things out for the good of those who love Him. Sounds contradictory to us right? That’s because we have to take a look at the definition of good, as well as our end goal. 

Our definition of good seems to be comfortable, everything I want, everything that makes me happy. But girl wake up, that’s not what God says is good. He says it is anything that shapes us into looking more like His son. That often is uncomfortable, and looks a lot different than how we pictured it. Now, what is our end goal? Is it Jesus? Or is it success, fame, glory, finances, comfort, or control? Because if our end goal is Jesus, and the suffering brings us closer to Him, then shouldn’t we be rejoicing and praising as we walk into the fire? Shouldn’t we be pressing in rather than running away. 

If our end goal is anything but Jesus, then I understand why people break down or back away from suffering. But if our end goal is looking more like Christ, then we should be holding fast to our God and walking in with a smile on our face. Sure it will hurt, but look at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendago. They didn’t run from the fire, even when they heard it was heated 7 times hotter than normal. They went into the fire prepared, and guess what? They were protected. They didn’t have a singed hair on their head, and they didn’t smell of smoke.

I serve the same God that they did, and what He does for others, He can do for me also. So I am pressing in. Because I want to look more like Christ. I want to experience new aspects of God’s character. I want Him to reveal Himself to me in new ways. But one of the main ways that happens: preparation. 

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendago were prepared. They were prepared because they were rooted. They were rooted and abiding in Christ, and they pressed in. And then they were left untouched. I’m sure their faith was made stronger after that, how could it not be? That’s how I want to live my life, and I want to stay prepared. 

So how do I prepare? As I’ve been asking the Lord this, His answer has been to praise. To run to Him. To rest and abide in Him. And nothing can touch me. As I’ve been doing that, I have physically felt a difference. I am not affected by offenses thrown at me. I know my worth, and nothing and no one can change that. As flaming arrows are thrown at me, I feel burdened for those who are not walking with Christ but rather walking in disobedience. 

I’m obviously not perfect, but I’ve realized that we get the GIFT of repentance. It is a gift! Because what in the world, what do you mean I get to admit what I’ve done wrong, ask for forgiveness, and that be made new. Again, and again, and again. God is so good, thank you Jesus. And I am fully forgiven, and fully made brand new. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. Jesus. 

These lessons that I am learning now, are setting me up for the future. They are building a foundation for my deeper walk with the Lord. It is setting me up for the Lord to be able to send me, and prepare me. The Lord is opening and closing doors, and I have realized that I actually have no idea what is going to happen in my future. I have no idea where I am going, who I will be with, what my job will be, or where I will be serving. All I know is that I want to give the Lord my yes. So I will do that and continue doing so. I will do whatever the Lord wants me to do, and that often looks different than how I pictured it. 

I am excited. I am excited for what’s to come. For where I will go, and who I will meet. For what I will learn, and how I will grow with the Lord. I am looking forward to it, and I know that as long as I’m in the Lord’s hands, I will be taken care of. Because that’s the safest and the best place to be. I am looking forward to it, because I know that it will be good. More than I could ever ask, think, or imagine. 

Yes, I am sad to leave here and leave these people, but I know that seasons change on purpose. For the most part I am okay with that. Except for one thing. With one person on this trip, I have a relationship that is filled with true unconditional love. A love that I have never experienced apart from my parents, and God the Father. A relationship, or friendship, has never been so easy in my life. It has never been easier to love someone this much. That is what I am not looking forward to; not doing life together everyday. I am trusting that the Lord has his hand on the situation, and He knows what’s best for me. But I have cried many times just thinking about leaving. So please, pray that I will be able to hold myself together, and that the Lord will bring us together in a miraculous way. 

We have less than four weeks left. Our time in Guatemala has been so fruitful. The ministries that we are a part of are incredibly spirit led, and I am learning and growing so much. I haven’t experienced even the extent of what God wants to do in my life. We have a married couple that is teaching our life skills class while in Antigua, and they are amazing. They are pools of wisdom who have walked through some hard suffering in their lives. But the spirit knows. The spirit knows what we need, what we need to hear and experience. But please be praying. 

Please be praying for myself and my squad’s eyes and ears to be open to what God wants to say and do. For our last moments together to be filled with quality time and memories, and that we don’t take advantage of our time together. That the Lord will perform many miracles behind the scenes, that He will work in ways we couldn’t have even imagined. That people will experience healing, a wake up call, and a humbling before the Lord. But that we are all met with the unconditional love of Jesus Christ, and that we remember that His love for us is what held Him to the cross. Until next time! :)